


Let Go

by marvelatstucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky is already dead, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Rogers is reckless, Steve experiences flashbacks, Steve loves bucky very much, Steve sees Bucky everywhere, Steve suffers from PTSD, Very little Natasha Romanoff (Sorry), Warning: lots of blood, stucky au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 06:10:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6272920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelatstucky/pseuds/marvelatstucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes is dead. Steve Rogers wants to forget him, but he cannot. They are meant for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, This is my first fic so please don't mind if it horribly written. Feedback would be very Appreciated. This fic may contain a lot of blood in the flashbacks and Steve suffers from PTSD. Flashbacks in italics.

The wind howled. The smell of wet grass and dirt filled the air. The fog parted to reveal a tall man with broad shoulders. Clad in a grey hoodie and black track suit pants. The wind blew his short blond hair across his tear-streaked face. His sobs were inaudible but the tremors that wrecked his body were as clear as blood amongst water.

“I’m sorry. I could not save you.”

Wracked with guilt Steve took one last look at Bucky’s grave and lumbered away.

A short time later Steve glanced around at the colourful coffee shop with a mocha latte in hand, staring at the picture of a water fall. Water fall. Fall…  
_Bucky’s blue eyes were pleading, ‘Help me Steve. Save me.’ His golden-brown hair plastered with sweat around his face. His hand was reaching out to Steve. Almost there, Bucky’s muscles bulged from the strain, his teeth were bared and his hand was slowly slipping. A blood-curdling scream ripped through the air as Bucky fell._

“Bucky NOOOOO!”

Steve flinched as he felt a burning sensation flood his hand. His breathing was laboured and his heart beat in his ears. The blonde barista quirked an eyebrow toward him as he quickly grabbed a handful of serviettes to clean up his spilt coffee. Slapping a few bills on the table Steve hurried out of the coffee shop clutching his chest. As the cold air hit him, he let out a sigh. Closing his eyes he took a long breath to steady himself.

_The wind ran through his hair. He had never felt so free. Now he and Bucky were walking hand in hand along the beach._

_“Stevie, can we go rock climbing next week?”_

_“Of course, Bucky. Darling, where do you wanna go?”_

_“I don’t know…”_

_As Steve fondly looked into his lover’s eyes they beckoned and he softly kissed Bucky’s head. He leaned away and screamed._

_Buck’s hair was mottled with blood his skull bashed in. Limbs twisted at unnatural angles, and blood pouring out of gashes. Bucky reached out a hand for him. Steve fell to his knees gaping._  
A hand grasped onto his shoulder.  
Scrambling away Steve forced his eyes to relax. He glanced around to see the pedestrians staring at him with odd looks on their faces. Steve’s vision fogged around the edges as his clothes stuck to him like a second skin. 

“Thank goodness I’m wearing a coat.”

As he unsteadily marched home, he saw a flash of golden brown hair in an alley. He broke into a sprint and reached a poorly-lit corner. There Bucky was, in a flannel shirt and jeans, grinning like there was no tomorrow. The furrow in Steve’s brow slowly evened out as he was pulled towards his dead lover. The stubble on his cheeks looked soft. The blonde’s eyes flew open as Bucky grew taller and a sharp pain ran up his tail bone.  
Lips pursed and brow once again furrowed, Steve surveyed his surroundings only to find that Bucky was not there and that he had fallen onto his butt.  
He was sore and really just wanted to get home. Steve was done with everything. He turned the corner and was engulfed by people.

Walking along the cracked concrete he glimpsed Bucky in the crowd. Was it really him? Speeding up he tried to reach a hand out onto his shoulder. His hand was knocked down when a frenzy of school kids ran past giggling. Steve let out a long sigh and let his shoulders slump once more. He had lost Bucky. Or had he?

Bucky popped up once again in the crowd and this time he was headed for the road. Time slowed down. There was a truck coming at Bucky.  
“Bucky noooo!” Steve made a beeline for Bucky but he felt a force knock into him, literally taking his breath away. The truck hit Bucky, blood spraying like a fountain. Brain matter was splattered everywhere and-  
And Bucky wasn’t there. The concrete hit the back of Steve’s head with dizzying force. Silky, red hair fell over his face and his vision cleared to show a beautiful woman clad in black looking at him with a frown. 

“Natasha.” She held out her hand. Steve clasped it. 

“Steve.” He brushed the dust off his clothes.

“Are you alright? You seem a little suicidal.”

“Yes. Just a little dazed. Sorry, thought I saw someone on the road.” Natasha’s frown grew.

“There was no one on the road.”

“Oh”, Steve mirrored her expression, “well then I should get back home. Nice meeting you though.”

She smiled and gave him her number while she told him if he ever needed someone to talk to, she would be there.  
Steve could not handle this anymore. It had been going on for months. When Steve finally got back to mess that he called an apartment. The memory that he had been holding at bay for so long, flooded back in. His head throbbed and his vision faded darkened.

_Bucky was still grinning. Steve knew this was stupid but had agreed to it anyway. Who could say no to the puppy face that Bucky put on? They were half way up the fiery rock, climbing without harnesses. Grinning, filled with adrenaline and the urge to be the first up the cliff._

_“Come on slowpoke! Buck, you’re taking ages down there.”_

_“Damn you Steve! We can’t all be professional apes.”_

_“Ugh.” Steve sighed. It was pointless to argue with that guy._

_A cry echoed off the cliffs. Steve rapidly turned around. Bucky was in utter despair. One arm clinging to the rock that jutted out of the cliff. Steve was taken by sheer panic and undulated terror. His eyes went wide and he briskly started climbing down the cliff to where Bucky hung on straining to keep his grip. Steve found sufficient purchase among the sides of the cliff. He reached out his arm and it was only centimetres away. Bucky’s fingers were slipping swiftly, and then they were not.  
A blood-curdling scream ripped through the air. Steve’s eyes opened wide and his eyes flew wide, over-filling with tears. Sobs wracked him. He climbed down, praying that Bucky was alive. _

_He was, barely. Bucky’s hair was mottled with blood his skull bashed in. Limbs twisted at unnatural angles, and blood pouring out of gashes. His eyes stared at Steve. Bucky reached out a hand for him and whispered, “I love you Steve, but now, you have to…”  
And his eyes closed. Steve’s throat felt hoarse as he inadvertently shouted amongst the cliffs. _

Steve was on his knees staring at his red carpet. It resembled blood. The smell of cologne wafted through the apartment. Too much like Bucky’s. Everything was now somehow related to Bucky. He couldn’t live like this. Steve couldn’t live alone.  
So he decided he shouldn’t.

Steve wasn’t in his right mind and he knew it. This Bucky was just a ghost. He knew deep inside that he shouldn’t follow him, or at least he should be wearing safety equipment before climbing down there. To the place where it all ended, to the place he lost that part of himself. 

But Steve felt a pull towards that place on the cliff. It was relentless. It couldn’t be described. He started climbing down. 

_Bucky’s smile lit up his blue eyes; it made them sparkle the sea at sunset._

Steve hurried his way down the deep orange cliff.

_The sun shone off the golden-brown, soft beach waves that bounced around Bucky’s adorable puppy-like face._

Almost there. 

_The way that Bucky’s breath felt hot against his ear. “I love you Stevie; don’t you ever forget that.”_

Steve shuddered at the thought of that memory. He was there. Slowly, Bucky came into view hanging onto the rock that jutted out of the cliff. He was just an arms-length away holding out his hand for Steve. Bucky’s face was warm, welcoming in stark contrast to the last time he was hanging onto the same rock: desperate, pained. An unbearable tightness in his chest grew. Bucky was so close, last time he didn’t grab Bucky’s hand, this time he wouldn’t make the same mistake.

_Long lashes that brushed the top of delicate cheekbones._

His eyes filled with tears as Bucky beckoned with that heartbreakingly perfect smile. 

_The soft but intoxicating way Bucky’s lips moved against his own while he ran his hands through Bucky’s hair and Bucky’s hand gripped the back of his neck._

As Steve reached out his hand his resolve broke and tears now fell freely as he finally realised:  
Bucky was his everything; his love, his pain, his grief, his happiness and his soul mate.  
Bucky was his other half.

As a sob wrecked through Steve, he latched on to Bucky’s hand. His chest heaved from the grief that was rushing out of where he had kept it locked in for so long. Now, the hand that Steve held onto the sunset-coloured cliff with became an obstacle.  
It stood between Bucky and Steve; between him and the love of his life.  
So he let go…

He should have been scared; frightened. But now he was falling. The air whistled past him sounding like a beautiful melody. Like the one that Bucky used to play. The sky seemed further and further away, the ground was close. He looked over at Bucky. The tightness in his chest gave way to the angelic feeling of complete satisfaction. 

The ground was approaching fast.  
But…

He was whole now; him and Bucky. 

Just like they were meant to be… together…

Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please drop me a comment below! :)


End file.
